When
I was 5 years old, my mom always confused me; I thought my name was
MY GOD.
Mom
would looked at me and said, “My
God, stop crying! My God, eat your food!”
My
brother, one year older, all the time I thought his name was Jesus
Christ, “Jesus
Christ don’t kick your sister!”
We
were not easy kids, my brother and I
“The
Dream team”, we Challenge our parents’
Comfort Zone;
We Add Colors…to
the walls.
My
father is different, he is Calm, Cool, he has The Look (pose) I thought
he was in CIA, Check Investigate All the time.
“Effie, show me your
school bag, give me your paper. B, B again, you have problem with A? You
know?! A is for “Apple”,
B is for “Beat”.
Give me your hand ….. (beat) B…B…
(beat) Bring home Apple!
My
father drove us to school everyday, E-ve-ry-day, he told the teacher,
“Teacher, if
they don’t behave, beat them” Mom would bake a cake and went to our neighbor, “Mrs. Chan, how are you, I bake a cake for you. Oh… if my kids steal your flowers again, beat them, I am sorry” 老媽總是烤個蛋糕送給鄰居們,「張太太!你好嗎?我特別烤個蛋糕送你,嗯!如果我的小孩又來偷摘你家的花,扁他們!真..真不好意思!」
I
told you, “Life
is not Fair!”
We just tried to be funny,
and these old people beat us all the time. I didn’t
understand, WHYyyy? Mom ex..plained,: “Play
More, Beat More; You
young, you don’t understand; You old, you
understand. Stay alive! Remember, Life has to be lived For_ward,
for..ward; But it can only be understood back…ward,
back…ward”
I was like “HAH??
But
NOW (pause), I am older and alive, so I look
….
Back, Ohoh, Understood. NOW It’s
my turn, It’s OUR
turn, NOW, We beat the Kids! (Sing)
Beat It…Beat
It…. Just Beat It!
(Sing)
When kids try to be funny, they are no longer human, that’s
why we use “It”
(Pose) Beat It! (Pose)
Funny
that people stop beating the kids nowadays. My friend says,
“We
don’t beat, We communicate”.
Come on, kids don’t
need Communication,
they need Physical Sensation. Another friend wants me to pray for her
son. I was like, HELLO, he doesn’t
need Praying,
he needs Beating
“To
beat or not to beat!” ….. Haiya, that’s
NOT the question
First Your
weapon should look “Naturally
Scary” –
(Props)
This,
100% Leather, natural, Scary(beat)?; This, US
Cotton, natural fiber, scary(beat)? And this (knife) is WRONG! Secondly Your weapon should not has the capacity to kill the kid Just Beating No Killing; Children are OUR Future.
I
understand some kids are very funny; in that case, you need a gun! When
they go crazy, you go crazy too. Pull the gun, pull the kid, outdoor,
and boom! fire the gun, you have high chance of killing
… a bird. With a dead
bird, show the kid, “Kiddo, See….Naughty
bird, Dead, you know what this means? This means…….
We’ll have barbecue tonight
J
!!!! With kids, mix Humor with Horror, confuse them, suspense! Last your weapon should have Lifetime Durability
Have
Vision! Kids grow up, With top quality weapon; One day you can give it
away as “Graduation
Gift”, “Wedding Gift”.
My
father said: “OK,
for you…we won’t
beat you anymore. You young, B is for Beat; you old, B is for Boss. Take
good care, be your own good Boss, no Bailout.
Mom
hangs her Old Weapon on the wall, there - Historical item, Symbol
of her past glory. Whenever we visit and see it, we are inspired to be
our own Boss. We are reminded; one simple truth Life is NOT Fair.
Life, is FUN
J
Fellow Toastmasters, whether you Beat or you are Beaten, sometimes we
don’t
understand. That’s OK. Just stay alive, with
the Right Attitude, Life is always Fun. Do you agree?
(Sing) So
Beat it, Just Beat it (Sing)
Toastmasters, Let’s
beat … Contest Master!
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